I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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