PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
