how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
