For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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