i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
