Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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