i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
