so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
