awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.