I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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