I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito