With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.