We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging