maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch