her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
