maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.