Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.