We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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