I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
