Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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