some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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