Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
