YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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