i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
