Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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