remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
