Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
