you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
