Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
