your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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