We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
