exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
