Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
