I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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