a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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