Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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