nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
