Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
