I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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