Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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