I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
