I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
