please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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