Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
