Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
