The best revenge is premature balding
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
