I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
