He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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