i think i have two assholes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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