just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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