those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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