Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
