I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
