Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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