Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
