I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my being single is dangerous.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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