He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
