HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
