I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Found your dick twin last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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