i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
