im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
