What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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