no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
