I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
