Please, let me fuck your mom
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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