I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
