finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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