I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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