we have pet lesbian snakes
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
