So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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