Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
