I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
