I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
