I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
