You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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