I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
