I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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