This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
