The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dear god my vagina.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
