hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
