I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
