so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
