I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
