I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
