I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
